Couples Counseling
We tend to be social beings, and being in a relationship with another can give us so much satisfaction and fulfillment. Sometimes, though, that relationship can also be a source of pain and frustration.
For over two decades, I have helped couples work together towards finding more fulfillment in their relationship.
Every relationship is different, and everyone comes with their own set of challenges. In general, however, most couples want similar things. We want to trust our partner, we want to increase honest and effective communication, we want to build not just physical but also emotional intimacy, and we want to be able to enjoy life together and feel appreciated, acknowledged, loved, and accepted.
Through my work with couples and in my own life, I have found that our own “stuff” can seep into how we perceive and relate to our partner. Taking each other for granted, having unrealistic expectations, infidelity, false beliefs, lack of intimacy, lack of trust, lack of forgiveness, lack of commitment, and/or feeling like the “grass is greener” can all lead to dysfunctional interactions where both partners feel dissatisfied in their relationship.
When working with couples, we first identify what challenges they are experiencing, and then we come up with a plan for addressing the barriers in the relationship. We use a variety of treatment modalities depending on what is most appropriate for that couple at this juncture.
We learn about and practice effective communication strategies, exploring honestly what we are expecting from the relationship. We address current relationship dynamics and conflict resolution styles and how they can interfere with effective communication. We pull apart situations and try to reframe for the couple how to dig into what they are really WANTING and NEEDING from their interactions. We process how previous maladaptive coping mechanisms are keeping us from growing together. We learn and practice how to treat our partners with respect and how to work as a team. We learn about how to set boundaries lovingly and encourage mutual growth through gaining insight about how to truly be adults in the relationship.
In couples counseling, our client is the COUPLE, not the individual, so we discuss how to look at the relationship from the lens of what will work for both parties with the understanding that give and take (compromise!) is a part of that. When we are part of a couple, we are not always guaranteed to get exactly what we want in the way that we want. Instead, we need to ask ourselves:
Are we growing together?
Do we have fun together?
Can we relate to each other?
Are we attracted to each other?
Do we support each others’ growth and identity?
Are we committed to working on the relationship?
Can we empathize with our partner even when we don’t understand them?